Pre-Battle

   Do you ever think back and remember your life like it was a dream or a story that was told to you but not your own?  Today I was trying to recall all of what happened before the abuse started and I have the memories but It definitely doesn't seem real or mine.  What I do recall is being really happy in the beginning, that glow that you get when you fall in love.  We did everything together and we were so giddy.  Like I said before, he was charming and handsome..Dark skin, Dark hair. Not tall probably around 5' 9.  I being 5'6 I felt safe in his arms...He had told me he was American Indian which I found out later was one of many lies.  He was adopted as an Infant and had his adoption papers which I had read years later and found out he was of Mexican descent...I can't believe he would of thought that mattered to me I am not at all prejudice.  He was brought up in a middle class family and his parents seemed to love him very much..they must of since they had to put up with his drug addiction and anger issues which again I found out later..I did know about his drug issues since we met at AA meetings.  After I had divorced the first time I started partying a bit too much...That's a whole other story in itself.

     Within just a couple of months we moved in together.  My 2 oldest kids lived with their father because of my drug addiction.  We rented a one bedroom apartment and life was good until he started using again.  I learned through "The Program" that I am a co-dependent.  I always believed I could "fix" him....Ha..was I ever wrong.  It wasn't very long after that that I started using with him.  Looking back now I wish I had been strong enough to just leave, get the hell away and I can't explain why I didn't except I really believed that my love was strong enough to overcome anything.