chicken coop

Back in early spring my roommate Serena and I decided to get with the back yard chicken movement. It has taken me all summer to finish the coop. I'm not even finished now but pretty close. All I need to do now is.....roof it (I want to use shingles), finish the trim and paint.
We searched everyday the breed of chickens. There are so many!  We finally agreed upon....
2 Buff Orpingtons, 2 Black Astolorpes, and 2 Easter Eggers.  The 2 Black Astolorpes were 3 days old and the other 4 were 2 weeks old.
We ordered them from down  southern California from a wonderful place called daretodreamfarms.com .  They delivered the chicks on July 12th since they deliver to the S.F. bay area on Sundays. Check this place out I highly recommend them.

Healing through Gardening

So, my healing process has consisted of Hypnotherapy, meditation, Battered woman's meetings and Gardening.....
Gardening has been the one thing besides meditation that has been my constant through the years.
It is an incredible outlet. Creating a beautiful oasis and sacred space that is all mine and in that space I'm able to meditate and heal...Healing as an ongoing process after abuse...I will always have triggers that take me back to a feeling of helplessness. But by knowing what helps I can always get back to a place of knowing that my life isn't run by my past.
   These pics are the beginning...

procrastination

I am the worst at procrastinating....my intentions are good, I so want to share my story then life gets busy
A lot of the reasoning behind this is that I just don't remember in a time line way...I get flashbacks of memory or something will trigger a memory.  Like last week my youngest son was driving me home from work and some lady cut him off...he then proceeded to get angry at her and I almost had a panic attack....
My abuser use to have the worst road rage...and I just don't.  I just don't let other drivers get to me, it's my quiet time.  He would go as far as following the driver home, spit on their car or worse...I try to explain to my son and he does get it, to a point..and he never even knew the "abuser"....
So, for those of us out there that can't stand road rage , just drive yourself..

Pre-Battle

   Do you ever think back and remember your life like it was a dream or a story that was told to you but not your own?  Today I was trying to recall all of what happened before the abuse started and I have the memories but It definitely doesn't seem real or mine.  What I do recall is being really happy in the beginning, that glow that you get when you fall in love.  We did everything together and we were so giddy.  Like I said before, he was charming and handsome..Dark skin, Dark hair. Not tall probably around 5' 9.  I being 5'6 I felt safe in his arms...He had told me he was American Indian which I found out later was one of many lies.  He was adopted as an Infant and had his adoption papers which I had read years later and found out he was of Mexican descent...I can't believe he would of thought that mattered to me I am not at all prejudice.  He was brought up in a middle class family and his parents seemed to love him very much..they must of since they had to put up with his drug addiction and anger issues which again I found out later..I did know about his drug issues since we met at AA meetings.  After I had divorced the first time I started partying a bit too much...That's a whole other story in itself.

     Within just a couple of months we moved in together.  My 2 oldest kids lived with their father because of my drug addiction.  We rented a one bedroom apartment and life was good until he started using again.  I learned through "The Program" that I am a co-dependent.  I always believed I could "fix" him....Ha..was I ever wrong.  It wasn't very long after that that I started using with him.  Looking back now I wish I had been strong enough to just leave, get the hell away and I can't explain why I didn't except I really believed that my love was strong enough to overcome anything.       

       

The Beginning

     I have always said that the only way to heal from Abuse is to share your experience with others.  I have had many chances to do this on a one on one basis but to share my experiences publicly took me by surprise  It's funny how the universe will send you people in need to help them or just give a little hope that there can be a better life out there, and that you don't have to stay helpless and alone.

.     I recently was at the right place and at the right time to see a young mother of two being hit by her Abuser.  After much pleading with her to call the police ( I will explain to you why the victim doesn't always do that later) I was able to get her alone and talk with her about her situation.  We were not able to get her into a shelter at that time since NO shelters were available so I had them spend the night with me...Yes, a complete stranger!!!   I had so many friends tell me I was stupid and I shouldn't get involved...Are they crazy..Of course I would get involved..I wouldn't be where I am today if someone didn't help me..When I finally asked of course.    Anyway, I have been thinking about my past a lot lately after helping her and its why I decided to finally write.

     I never thought in a million years that I would be "one of them people"..I say that because there are so many people out there that really think it couldn't happen to them..Me being one of them..

I did grow up in an abusive home..not even realizing it..My mom being bi-polar, I think.  Never having a balanced life always either really up and happy or really sad and angry. 

     It wasn't until my second marriage that I met "him"..He was charming and handsome and seemed to really love me, in his own way..Oh, there were many flags that I should of payed attention to but no, I didn't..I wanted so much for someone to love me...  

       Oh wow look at the time...I need to head to work...I will write later..stay tuned..

OK, I'm back....I was trying to figure out how I wanted to share all of this..I have decided to just be me, so my story won't be in any order at all...lol.  
     So a little bit about me now.  I'm a mother of 4 wonderful adults. 2 boys and 2 girls..the 3 oldest will remember a lot of what I well tell you. My youngest son was adopted at a time in my life where I was completely away from the abuser.  I have 6 grandchildren now, which is one of the greatest gifts apart from having my kids.  I became a Hairdresser at the age of 20 and I can't believe that my career has stayed intact throughout the most insane roller coaster of a life. I like roller coasters but not the ones that turn your  stomach inside out.  I can truly say that the only stress I have in my life now is trying to pay bills on time and helping to make sure my family is happy and healthy.  It has been 20 years since I have taken my life back..I spent 7 years in an Abusive relationship..6 years, 364 days too long.  My 2 oldest kids were by my first husband, who by the way wasn't abusive. My 3rd child was by my second husband and the daughter of "Him"..Later I married yet a 3rd time and adopted a 2 yr old little boy. My 3rd husband wasn't an abuser either.